Whenever I hear the word arranged marriage, I hear ‘forced marriage’. I hate marriages. I hate attending them. But the type of wedding I hate the most is the “arranged marriage”.
Believe me, I don’t believe love. Well, maybe a little bit. But, come on, love isn’t the only thing important in a marriage. Companionship, trust, understanding and care is important too, because without all those things you are acting as if you’re in a made-up fairy tale where marriage is going to be great but it’s not. And if you have none of these things, nor love, then welcome to a very unhappy marriage.
In Pakistan, arranged marriage is like common. In the news, I once saw a woman beating up a man marrying a woman of his choice. It was the guy’s choice. In Pakistan, the parents are pretty much the best match-makers. I personally don’t believe that. What if they don’t get the right one? What if they get someone of their own liking, but their not kid’s? What’s their kid gonna feel about his or her spouse?
Besides, arranged marriages happen to girls a lot. At least that’s what I think. But, it is true that some families don’t give them much of a choice. Some girls’ dreams of being something when they grow up is destroyed because they have to take care of the husband and kids, and they wouldn’t get any time for themselves. But then again, the girls’ believe they should get married. They don’t try to achieve anything higher. They have to get married to the man whether it’s for reputation, or money, or someone who will take care of them. But they might not know how the man would be after marriage. He could be abusive and I can prove this of Tehmina Durrani’s example.
Although I hate arranged marriages, it is stated that the divorce rates are much less. But I can argue with this because, as I said before, some men become abusive. If he is like that, then the women become traumatized amd believe that they need him. But, of course they should divorce him and find a better man instead of living with the bastard.
Here’s what I think. If the girl (or boy) is ready to get married but could not find a match, then they should ask their parents. If they found one, they shouldn’t get married immediately. They should talk to their match, spend some time with them to get to know his likes. And if they realize that they are the one, then here comes the bride! But if not then the parents would just have to search again, because marriage is a big commitment. You can’t just get married to a person who doesn’t make you happy. It’s lame and stupid.
I like your approach, little one. Marriage is a cooperative, and starting it that way, by having the parents cooperate with their children instead of imposing on them, is a very good way to continue developing that spirit of commitment and cooperation that’s required for success. In this way, marriage can never become a burden or prevent a woman from pursuing her dreams since she’ll have her family, and especially her friend/husband, to help her just as she helps him. xoxoM